Going Public

I've been debating about whether to post this or not, because I know most of my friends that read this blog read for the purpose of being updated on my life and don't necessarily want to be subjected to my eating habits. However, I've decided to start talking about this because I need support. I've tried to do this many times in the past, and the only time I was successful was when I attended meetings and had a place to talk about my journey with friends to cheer me on. So if you don't mind, root for me to make it this time. :)

I am a Weight Watcher again.

There. I said it. For those of you who don't know, this is not my first WW rodeo. I actually came very close to goal and was contemplating becoming a leader when I was in college. I went from my peak weight of 172 down to 140ish before I dropped out due to stress and health reasons. I lost all that weight fairly quickly, and I honestly did not do it very healthfully. While I will never claim to have had an eating disorder, I relied on processed foods and did not eat many fruits and veggies. After I stopped going to meetings and tracking, I gained back around 18 pounds before my wedding in May of 2009. On our honeymoon, my wedding ring (that had been sized at my smaller weight) was so tight I couldn't even wear it. I was furious with myself, and took advantage of living away from home to start cooking and eating better. I tried rejoining weight watchers in the fall of 2009, but I discovered that in East Tennessee there is no way to do weight watchers online AND attend meetings like I did in Williamsburg. I couldn't imagine tracking by hand, so I went to the online plan only. I kept quiet about it for the most part, relying on my on will power and support from Robert to accomplish my goal. Since then, I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds it seems, getting down to 144 at my smallest and hovering around 150 the majority of the time.

During this time period I discovered food blogs, racing, became a vegetarian, and adopted an overall healthier lifestyle, so trying to lose the last 10 pounds on the processed food heavy POINTS plan wore me down. I got tired of tracking, and it wasn't fun anymore. However, I knew that I needed to reign in my eating habits. I am not good at balancing, and I still use food as a reward or comfort. Portion size and cheese fries are just two of the food related weaknesses I have developed over a life of misguided munching, so when I got the email about the new PointsPlus program I saw an opportunity. I took it.

The new plan ROCKS. It's so easy for me to follow, because it's based on good for you foods now and my daily points value is much higher (Purely a mental boon, but helpful none-the-less!). I don't feel the need to buy sugar free/fat free junk to stay within my limits, and I love this. My beloved fruit doesn't cost me any points now (Yay bananas!), and instead of feeling boxed in and hungry, I feel liberated and encouraged! I'm so excited to finally be able to fit into my skinny jeans again. I bought them in the winter of 2007, and I desperately want to wear them again. But more than vanity or clothes, I just want to feel in control.

Now I realize I'm not obese by any means, but I can promise you I'm doing this for the right reasons. I have a very small weight goal that is really just the final capstone in a 4 year weight loss journey, and I know what I'm doing.

Why I want to lose 10 pounds-
1. I want to run a half marathon, and at my current weight my knees can't take it. Losing just ten pounds would take enormous pressure off of them.
2. I want to get to a healthy weight and maintain it before I get older. The longer I wait, the harder it will get.
3. I am going to be a parent within the next decade, Lord willing. That's scary to me, and I need to have my head on straight before I attempt raising a child. I want to develop healthy eating habits so that I can encourage my future children to do the same. I would never wish my daughter to have to go through the yo-yo dieting and eating issues I've dealt with, and I don't want to inadvertently teach the wrong mindset by example.
4. I want to take this opportunity to teach myself that I am doing something about the issues that plague me, and I want to stop the fat talk for good. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be 120 pounds, but I can not make myself content knowing that I am not at a healthy weight and can be more fit than I am. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.
5. I WILL learn to be comfortable in my own skin by taking control over disordered eating. And once I do, I want to be able to toss the scale for good.

Ok, so I suppose that's enough rambling for today. Thanks for listening!