Thursday, April 21, 2011

Quick Anatomy Lesson

We interrupt your quasi-regularly scheduled blogging program for a brief lesson in anatomy. It has come to my attention that some people in this world do not understand the difference between seasonings, condiments, and meat. This is for you- Bernie's BBQ of Knoxville.

First let me introduce myself- I am a pescatarian. That might be a big word for your BBQ filled brains, so how about a related but similar concept- vegetarian. See Bernie- there are people in this world that do not eat meat. I know you can't barbeque a vegetable, so that's probably a foreign concept, but it's true. In fact, for some people, eating meat is even against their religion. Your customers take these things seriously, and an establishment concerned with good customer service would too. However, Bernie, I get the idea that you don't take much stock in that whole customer service mumbo jumbo. 

So here's my grievance- The baked potato and salad I ordered this morning were asked to be prepared WITHOUT MEAT. We even underlined the word meat. You can hardly blame me for being a little shocked when my food came looking like this... 

In fact, these pictures do not even do justice to the comical piles of bacon you covered my veggies with. I thought it was an honest mistake, so I had a colleague call and inform you of the mix-up. A decent restaurant establishment interested in keeping its customer base and avoiding bad press would have fixed my order. But not you Bernie. Apparently you will support your carnivore world view despite any personal loss. You refused to fix my order claiming that your restaurant "does not consider bacon a meat." Because I had not specified NO MEAT OR BACON, I was going to have to go without lunch. When asked what you did consider meat, you said "Chicken, BBQ, Beef, or Ham." Well Bernie- I've got something to show you. 

There it is- bacon right next to the ham. I don't think it could be any clearer. defines meat as "the flesh of an animal used for food." Bacon comes from a pig. A pig is an animal. Bacon is used (by some, not all) as food. Ergo- Bacon is a meat. Not a condiment. Not a seasoning. It's a meat. 

End Scene. 

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